Bite me

Today has been an interesting day for the convenience food industry and my decision to invest in the nutritional benefits of their product. Firstly I learned via a survey performed by (the excitingly named) Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services, the not unwholly unknown fact that Britain's favourite post-brew foodstuff, the Doner kebab, is a hive of lard, sodium, and rather unfortunately for those who enjoy a chow down on what is necessarily a halal treat, several pitta pleasures contained unholy swine-meat. The full report can be found here, and a less dry version here on the BBC. Three facts stood out for me :

1) Out of the 494 sample kebabs submitted for testing, in the 'Meat Species' identification check, 8.7% (43) kebabs resulted in a 'No Result' findings. Given as other results came back as one or a mixture of lamb/mutton, chicken, turkey, beef and pork, this doesn't leave a lot of customarily eaten 'Meat Species' to consider...

2) Several vendors provided a kebab that weighed over six-hundred grams - Hmmm

3) This survey was conducted without possibly the most salty/fatty and tasty of additions - sauce

Tonight, based on this evidence, I resisted the urge to procure one of the southwest's own kebabs, and opted for a rather less meaty option, an inviting tin of Co-op Ravioli, of which, on inspecting the label, am convinced would need thorough investigations of it's own to even find a morsel of meat capable of testing. Of what additional 'meat species' does this advertised 2% derive from I wonder?

"Hello, is that the Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services?..."